Looking back

Looking back over my previous entries, I realise that I've made only two posts in the month of May. Two is certainly a very small number considering the fact that this month might well prove to be of significance in the future & also considering the fact that I enjoyed it a lot. So, taking the risk of providing an outdated account, I narrate here some of the more enjoyable moments of a very interesting month:

May 3- May 13:
These 11 days were the most important of the entire semester as they were the dates of our exams. Somehow, after Std. XII, I'd never felt happy during the exams. Never felt like struggling a bit more, going the extra mile or waking the extra hour for the sake of scoring the extra mark. It was almost as if I'd lost interest in studies (and perhaps a few other things too). And the monotonous subjects ( Civil, App Sci-I, BT etc) didn't help much in improving the situation. I guess I just wasn't yet accustomed to living at the hostel. No wonder I performed disastrously in last semester's end sem exam. And then came the vacations which proved to be even more disastrous as I had an accident and had to spend almost a fortnight in bed, doing nothing all day. All this almost took the fun out of life.
The second semester came as a breath of fresh air. Beginning with a gala time at Mood I, the various activities & events during the sem ensured that I was always doing something. It kept me ticking & suddenly, for the first time, I felt at home in the college. Since then, each day in college was an event in itself, a moment to be savoured & to be enjoyed to the full. The dull inactivity of the previous sem was completely forgotten, like a bad dream that never took place. I had made very few friends in the first sem, in the second it seemed as if I made a new one every day. I had managed to regain control of my life & started to enjoy it once again. Soon the idle evenings spent at the hostel transformed to an endless saga of parties, movies, entertainment & loads of fun. I had enough reasons to be satisfied with my life again.
But somehow all this never transformed into success in the exams. If you think that the activities would've had an adverse affect on my studies, you're wrong. In fact the activities kept me in a happy state which generally results in a good performance in the exams. But that never happened. T1 came and went & my performance was ordinary. Then came the T2 when I decided to experiment by radically changing my entire time-table. I'd study throughout the night & sleep through the day. This meant that even though I appeared for each paper well prepared, I was in no mental state to write a good paper. And that was reflected by my pathetic T2 score. Life was a bed of roses with just one thorn in my flesh - my inablitity to do well in the exams.
Hence doing well in the end semester exams this time around was not just recommended, it was vital. Fortunately this realisation dawned upon me pretty soon & I prepared thoroughly for the exam. And finally it resulted in a performance which may not make many heads turn but was satisfying nonetheless. I did nothing spectacular but nor did I commit dumb mistakes. I didn't exactly reach heaven, but I surely avoided hell. And sometimes that's all you need. My faith in my own abilities was once again renewed, thanks to a friend who never doubted my ability. My interest in studies was refuelled, the fire within was re-ignited. It may not be a raging inferno but it was much more than a spark. Much more.
So at the end of my first year of engineering I can't say that I've achieved something spectacular in academics. But I managed to experience both the highs & the lows without losing my sense of perspective & my faith in myself. Now I know that I can make it through any difficulties that might arise, that no problem is unsolvable, no hurdle unsurpassable & no aim unattainable. And that none of these can have a permanent effect on me.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

- from "If" by Rudyard Kipling, my favourite poem