The payback

All of you must be having a friend(?) who is a real bore. Who keeps on talking, interminably, about subjects of which you have the least knowledge and no interest. Who keeps on telling you how great he is just because he did something that you never felt like doing. Who feels that whatever he says is right. Who comes for all treats but never gives one himself. Who annoys you totally. Whom you never want to be with, but have to be friendly with just for posterity. Well I dont know whether you have such a friend or not, but I do have such a friend. Let's call him X. This is the story of how we got one over him for a change.
X is an unbelievable bore. I've been with him since school & I don't remember a single moment when I've actually enjoyed his company. X never lends stuff to anybody but borrows from everybody. He helps no-one but expects everyone to help him. X has by far the worst taste in all aspects - music, clothes, bikes etc. Nobody likes X, nobody ever will. Not that he minds. He likes to be the jerk he is. I hope you get the idea.
Visiting X's house was always a daunting task. You never got anything more than a glass of water there. And his parents asked more questions than a CBI officer. A visit to his house was like a mission in Delta Force: you enter, you complete your objectives (borrowing notes, books etc), try to dodge the endless enemy bullets(questions asked by his parents) and then head for the extraction point - the door. In fact the door of his house is possibly one of my favourite places - nothing gives me more joy than coming out of it sane & alive.
But X makes it a point to visit your house, needlessly. You try to keep him out ("sorry dude, I was just leaving, you should have come earlier" etc) but somehow he always manages to come in. And once that happens, only God can save you. If you are watching TV, he changes the channel & tells you about this awesome documentary that he saw on National Geographic. If you are playing on your comp, he starts playing instead, finds that he cant play & hence says "this game is dumb" and forces you to load some other game. And you have to listen to all his orders because your parents think that he is the most well-behaved of your friends & they know that he is also someone who studies a lot. In short, he is a guy whom even Mahatma Gandhi would have felt like punching in the face.
But why am I dwelling on the painful past? Now I shall describe to you the hour of my victory. It's pretty much true, except for a few changes. Here it is:
I was , as usual, roaming around with two friends of mine - Kalpak & Avinash. Suddenly me & Kalpak both felt like peeing. And we didnt want to return home so soon. Both of us were at our wits end. But then I had a brainwave - I realised that X's house was close. I suggested that we should go there and take a leak. Both of them were, obviously, horrified by the idea (Kalpak: I'd rather die). But then I explained my hidden motive - the guy comes to our houses, does whatever he wants and walks away, while we never trouble him in his house. So the plan was to go to his house, take a leak and come out as soon as possible. We were going to take on the lion in his own den. We were aware of the risk involved. All three of us knew that we might not make it out of there alive. So we hugged each other, wished each other luck & thanked each other for always being there (thats what happens when you watch too many war movies). And then I rang the doorbell, knowing that nothing shall ever be the same again.
Here's the conversation that ensued :
X: Hi Aniket, when did you come to Nashik?
Me: Yesterday (it had already been a week since I was in Nashik)
Kalpak: Me too.
X: Thats great. How were your exams?
Kalpak: Forget it.
X: Why? (smiling)Very hard?
Kalpak: Just forget it.
Me: How are yours coming along? (why did I ever ask that?????)
X: Maths was easy, I attempted questions worth 90 but I'm not too sure of a few of the answers. A friend of mine said that the question on Differential Equations might have an error but another guy said that it was right and had to be solved by ....
Kalpak(interrupting): Yeah, yeah, got it. Whats your next paper, Applied Science?
X: Yeah. Actually I have completed reading 4 units - 2 of both Physics and Chemistry. I still have to revise them but I find it hard to...
Me(obviously interrupting): App Sci's always easy. Only a fool would find it hard. (This was the coup de grace. He never dared to speak a word about App Sci after that)
(At this point Avinash kicks Kalpak in the back to remind him of our mission objectives.)
X: Why dont we go down to the parking lot & chat?
Me: (Sensing that it's now or never) Hey X, I want to use your toilet.
X: What????
Me: Yeah. Need to take a leak. Do you mind?
X: Er, no. Go straight and take a left.
Kalpak: Me too.
X: What????
Kalpak: Yeah man. Have to. Otherwise....(What a threat!!)
X: Okay, just wait till Aniket comes out. Avinash, do you have to take a leak as well?
Avinash: Come on. Do you think we came here just for peeing?
X: (realising that this was true) Not at all. Just kidding.
(After that I used his toilet and came out,but the task was still only half done, we still had to face his parents)
X's mom: Hello Aniket, a long time since you last came here.
Me: ("Yeah, that explains why I'm so happy") Well, I've been busy.
X's mom: How were your exams?
Me: Fine.
X's mom: Do you find it possible to study at the hostel?
Me: ("No, I passed my first year just by fluke") Well, yeah.
X's mom: Aamcha X tar ghari ekdum changla abhyas karto.
Me: (too dumbstruck to reply)
(Kalpak comes back from the loo and seeing my predicament, heads for the door directly)
Me(taking the cue): Well aunty, I'd better leave.
X's mom: But you just got here.
Kalpak: Never mind aunty. We'll return later. (Yeah right)
(We then go down to the parking lot. I never thought that he had a hidden objective there.)
X(pointing towards a brand new black Activa): This is my new Activa.
(Here I realise that it's the same vehicle which I had barged into while parking my Kinetic)
X(waiting for a response, but on getting none): It's a great vehicle.
Me: Yeah, yeah. It's real smooth.
Kalpak: And powerful.
X: It's also VERY economical.
Me: hmmmm.
Kalpak(sensing a need to change the topic): You're damn lucky to be living at home while doing your engg studies.
X: Yeah. Nashik's a good place. How's Pune?
Me: Big.
X: I heard your syllabus is a bit different from ours.
Kalpak: It's not.
X: And your marking system?
Me: It's complicated.
Kalpak: Yeah too complicated. Can't explain now.
X: For how many more days are you here?
Me: Let's see.
Kalpak: Not too many.
Avinash: What's the time?
X: Nine.
Me: Oh no!! I had to be home by eight.
Kalpak: Me too.
Me: Gotta go man.
Avinash: I guess I'll leave too.
X: Why?
Avinash: I've to drop Aniket off at his house.
Me: Well, see you later. Bye!
(And by the time X realises that all three of us have our own vehicles, we're out of there alive, unscathed & without losing our minds)
Mission Accomplished.